Journal Express, Knoxville, IA

Opinion

November 14, 2013

Five steps for a quick trip down the aisle

(Continued)

2. Fly solo.

Be brave. You do not need a second opinion about which flavor of Ramen noodles to purchase or whether your toilet paper should be mega strong or mega soft. If shopping was meant to be a team sport, there would be more than one handle on the cart. Besides, it’s an undisputed fact that two people take up twice as much space in an aisle as a solo shopper and are more likely to commit the crime of aisle blockage. They also purchase significantly more product. Want to save money? Leave the family at home.

3. When you have no choice but to bring them…

If you have kids (and who doesn’t) there will be times when you are forced to include the little munchkins in your grocery pursuits. Whenever possible, physically restrain them. Most carts are even equipped with locking belts for this very purpose. A child who is unable to run in a zigzag pattern throughout the frozen foods section is 24 percent less likely to convince you into an unneeded ice cream purchase and 57 percent less likely to throw a temper tantrum in the candy aisle.

4. Don’t lollygag.

Shopping is not a passive sport. Pausing, stopping, daydreaming, dawdling or lingering in the cereal aisle is frowned upon by those of us trying to get the job done. This is not the time to plan tonight’s dinner or stop and wonder if you are out of pickles. Do the prep work pre-store – at home, where dawdling over a cup of coffee is not only tolerated, but sometimes even endorsed.

5. Do the parade wave.

It’s pleasant to run into familiar faces in the produce section, but let’s not take it to the extreme. Greet friends with a wink and a wave; catch up on family gossip with Great Aunt Tilly later at a funeral or other family gathering. This is not a brunch or happy hour. This is the grocery store. Shop now. Chitchat later. On the phone. On Facebook. At work. At a bar. Anywhere but in front of the chocolate milk, because we are out at my house and if you block my access I will be far away from my happy place.

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